3 things we can collectively do to foster Belonging at our workplace

In a short span of time, organisations have gone from thinking about COVID as a distant concern to virtual as a new way of working to learning to live with COVID as part of our lives. The need for connection and belonging likely hasn’t been greater at any other time in our lives. As humans, our natural instincts and primary needs are to be part of a community, to connect, belong, and be loved. And more data has shown us that many are experiencing loneliness, anxiety, and increased stress currently. Connection is a key factor at work that impacts well-being, productivity, engagement, and reducing stress levels. People may have to continue to practice social distancing and wear masks for a while but that doesn’t mean the fundamental need for connection and belonging has to be compromised.

What does it mean to “belong” at work?

“Belonging is such a fundamental human need, and being accepted brings a sense of belonging… Belonging and feelings of deep acceptance are like being ‘home’ in a relationship. There is a sense of comfort within the relationship, and a sense of being safe and secure” — Jane Sherwin

In order for people to feel like they belong at workplace, the environment needs to be set up as diverse and inclusive.

• When people feel like they don’t belong at work, their performance AND their personal lives suffer. The reason people feel a sense of exclusion so acutely is because the drive to belong comes with an evolutionary heritage. In order to survive as a species, it was critical to establish and maintain relationships to secure “inclusion” in social groups which offered protection, nurture and support. This hasn’t changed even now in this modern world.
• An absence of shared understanding and being ‘different’ from colleagues, combined with a perception of “you are not adding value” or “you’re not making a positive contribution” can deepen the feeling of being an outsider. Combination of these factors at workplace can affect the very sense of who one is, undermining one’s self-esteem leading to questioning one’s own identity. This is because the sense of not-belonging is so often attributed to oneself — “there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, either in terms of personality or competence” that results in one feeling excluded, ergo imposter syndrome.
• Attempts by individuals to resolve the sense of not-belonging often escalates the situation. By trying to fit in (ex: presenting a version of oneself that they believe is acceptable, or protecting themselves by avoiding certain inconvenient situations), one often undermines their sense of identity even further, by admonishing themselves for acting inauthentically. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where one ends up fulfilling their own fears by questioning themselves, losing trust and starting to detach from their teams. This results in one feeling no longer comfortable at workplace where no one listens or is open to accepting one’s ideas.

This eroding trust further leads to the best of employees leaving the organisation and leaders dealing with the harsh reality of the culture being more exclusive than inclusive. Fostering the feeling of belonging for all employees is one of the most critical things leaders can do to improve employee engagement, performance, and support and sustain business goals.

So as leaders, how can we make sure we connect and cultivate belonging across our organisations, and make sure our employees feel valued?

How to collectively foster Belonging at workplace?

1. When you’re forming judgements, pivot from being “closed minded” to being “open minded.”

The biggest culture marker in fostering a sense of “belonging” in organisations is addressing how people form judgements both intrinsically and systemically. This requires every one of the team members including the leaders to pivot from being closed minded about forming judgements TO being more open minded. When leaders are open minded, so are the team members!

William E. Schneider, author of ‘The Reengineering Alternative’ presents an interesting framework in which organization’s culture model can be defined in 2 different dimensions.

Schneider’s Culture Model

1. The first dimension talks about your approach as leaders to decision making — on one end of the spectrum, there is ‘impersonal’ decision making where the decisions (or judgements) are made based on facts and data; the other end of the spectrum has ‘personal’ decision making where data takes the back seat BUT emotions and gut feelings drive the wheel.
2. The second dimension talks about your priority as leaders — on one end we have ‘actuality’ where people focus on existing conditions and known targets and try to make the best use of it; on the other end of the spectrum, there is ‘possibility’ where teams try to look outside their scope and look for what could be possible.

Creating a sense of ‘belonging’ in teams need everyone to think from a ‘cultivation’ quadrant point of view — where personal decisions are made when judging a team member, keeping future possibilities in mind.

Think about — “So they don’t fit into our existing culture and norm… but what can they possibly bring to the table? How can they contribute to the team or organization’s future?”

‘Cultivation’ is the kind of thinking that allows us to embrace the differences in personalities and also make the ‘different’ team member feel that sense of belonging — as opposed to feeling disengaged and disconnected from the rest of the members. That is how we can grow talent and benefit the organisation in the long run.

The cultivation culture values creativity, hopes and aspirations of individuals which in turn naturally promotes collaboration among team members and forms alliances within the organization.

2. When you’re prioritising values, pivot From “looking” good to “feeling” good.

The idea of originality as a culture marker stems from the fact that if teams have the freedom to bring their authentic self to work, then creativity, collaboration and connection among colleagues improves. From a leadership point of view, productivity and efficiency is sustained due to the psychological safety that the organisation values them.

But what can possibly go wrong with this idea?

• As people progress to different career levels of the organisation, the harsh reality is that the employees are advised to do what it takes to “look good” and impress the leadership teams.
• Organisations want authenticity only up to a certain point and it definitely shows up well in recruitment and D&I statements — not beyond that.

Creating a culture of authenticity requires leaders to “walk-the-talk” and role model behaviours that encourage people to constantly show up and own up their true self. This requires leaders to possess or develop higher levels of self-awareness to allow themselves to be vulnerable with their teams so that the others don’t feel pressured to fit in or look good.

Higher levels of self-awareness helps the leaders to observe their environment better.

Think about — “How’s my team-health today? Am I doing all the talking in a meeting? Are people feeling good about sharing their opinions with me directly?”

This is a good place to start when thinking about creating an inclusive work environment where every member of the team feels they belong, and what they have got to say matters. Negative observations to the above questions can help leaders to evaluate:

• Why do people become emotionally triggered and when? (the reasons)
• Where do emotional triggers come from? (the values and principles)
• How do people who are emotionally triggered impact the workplace? (shut themselves down or stay disengaged etc.)

Gaining understanding of the above will allow leaders to empower people in teams to embrace their originality and help to foster the feeling of belonging.

3. When you’re engaging in a conversation, pivot from “listening to respond” to “listening to understand”

Listening is arguably one of the most difficult skills in communication. How actively a person listens is a testament to how empathetic that person is. However, perceptions at workplace are often formed based on what questions one asks after listening to their bosses or clients or stakeholders etc. rather than pausing and relating to the pain-points or challenges at hand. Listening to reply or ask has become a standard way most people communicate at workplace.

Imagine a colleague shares one of their challenging or vulnerable moments to a team member and the response they get is 1) something that is indifferent or 2) something that suggests “I told you so” or 3) they say something that undermines their struggle or worse, 4) not-so-subtly talking about “tasks.”

When people tend to respond rather than trying to empathise with the other person, they feel disconnected and realise that nobody cares about them as a person which fuels the sense of not-belonging in teams. Active Listening and empathy are underrated in reality — so how can we pivot from listening to respond → listening to understand and empathise?

Think about — “What is the impact a challenging moment has had on this person? Why has this made them feel so badly? How can I potentially help them?”

All it takes to empathise is a moment of acknowledgement or recognition of the sharer’s emotions. Fostering a sense of belonging is about empathy and conscious efforts have to be taken to actively listen to what the other person is sharing. If you’re someone who dominantly thinks and makes decisions based on facts alone, you need to consciously watch out for the emotions expressed in the conversation so you can view from a different perspective. Activating different levers of “listening to understand” enables team members to become more empathetic which in turn fosters a sense of belonging.

In conclusion, it is the responsibility of everyone in the organization to make everyone feel that they belong there and that they matter. Imagine the kind of workplace it will be if someone needs to pretend to be someone else just to fit in and not be judged? If you think the above 3 hacks are too big to begin with — start small!

Think about the ideal community that you want to create and identify what will make that community a safe space for everyone to feel belonged. But most importantly, start being more ‘human’ at workplace.

When we listen and celebrate what is both common and different, we become wiser, more inclusive, and better as an organization.” — Pat Wadors